The key, not the felony.

iknowgallifreyan:

I have one really photogenic cat and one idiot

fallontonight:

John Mulaney has some very articulate hecklers.

kilowatts:

i can’t stop reblogging this omg

kilowatts:

i can’t stop reblogging this omg

(Source: humortrain)

(Source: 60s)

dilfgod:

bae caught me slippin

dilfgod:

bae caught me slippin

regularpeople:

Always makes me laugh

quixon:

thebigblackwolfe:

frantzfandom:

girilla-warfare:

the-average-gatsby:

the-average-gatsby:

how do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber

ask them to pronounce “unionized”

Holy fuck thats clever

It took me 5 minutes to get this

FUCK

Oh fuck you.

Smart people jokes be like

(Source: the-spooky-gatsby)

wavesinjuly:

suckmyphallus:

getterbeam:

imagine if you named your kid dad. just dad.

image

Actually that’s just his nickname. His real name is [trucks honking], but everyone just calls him dad.

wannajoke:

The Walking Debt

wannajoke:

The Walking Debt